Saturday, August 7, 2010

Life, as of late

Blogging is apparently an epic fail for me, but so are most things that involve thought and time this summer, so i'm finding.

For the first time in 20 years I find myself home alone with my parents for more than a few hours span, weird is a word that comes to mind
frightening is another

Both sisters have gone to California for three weeks-ish,
actually a month but whatever
and that leaves me here.
Last year at this time I you had have told me that events that this summer was going to hold, I would have thought you were nuts,
but here we are with
2 engagements,
a wedding,
3 weeks of teen camp for the baby,
multiple 40 hour work weeks
a mini-vacation
and 2 sisters off the Cali
(the last three being within a month of each other)
under my belt

Talk about a year of change, my best friend went from single to engaged and married in 6 months.
We should still be making up N'SYNC videos, not getting married

and yet
I feel it isn't over yet

you know that feeling from Holy Spirit that tells you just to hang on, there's more,
dont get settled in just yet

so I haven't unpacked my suitcase (although I dont think that's what He's talking about- it is a handy excuse)

When I left for Liberty in 07 I never did feel like i'd be walking down the isle (the one on the football field) to receive my diploma there, I kinda knew it was for a season

coming to UTM last year I just figured i'd be stuck there until I graduated then I could leave
but that's the problem, I figured

now, with two more years left here, I'm getting that uneasy feeling
maybe I love change too much
maybe I can't be content
maybe I just love adventures
maybe I just get lonely
maybe I just HOPE i'm not here until 2012

but having vocalized my prayer,
my spirit starts fluttering
it takes in a deep breath
it stretches it's limbs
it gets ready
maybe it's just because i'm willing to trust enough to put my plans on hold again

but as I sit and listen to Julie Meyer sing about her alabaster box,
one thought comes to my mind
college, education, loans

things i've been determined to finish quickly
things i've said i'd finish before I did anything "significant"
things i've always wanted to do
things I know i'll do eventually

one of the things i've learned in the past year is that I can't take His plan farther than it goes
I can't decide that since He sent me to Argentina that id simply stay there
or that i'd graduate from Liberty and live in Virginia
or that i'd finish school at Martin
just take His immediate direction

one step at a time
and when He speaks I take the next one

and feel like He might be clearing his throat to say something
something that changes things
something that makes me break an alabaster box
something that may hurt
and cost me dearly

and He's prepared me for it
He's drawn me to Him
i've fallen more in love with Him than ever
I've seen Him
I've felt Him
He loves me
and whatever He speaks,
I'll do
even if I makes no sense to me
because He's worth it
He loves me

so I sit here,
I sit here and wait
for an answer i'm not altogether sure I want
but an answer I know I need
one that show's me another step in His unfailing plan
one that leads me more into love with Him

because after all, that's the point
that I love Him

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