Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Epi Pens and trust

Today I had to go to an orientation at a new job.
Part of the orientation taught me how to use an Epi Pen.
The fact that there are needles involved make me shake
(regardless of the fact that it was a practice pen and no needles were involved)
add in the fact that I recently learned my friend, whom I blogged about a couple months ago,
died of an asthma attack that could have been brought on by an allergic reaction
and I was shaking
and on the verge of tears

I sat there, alone
watching this video on how to use them
and as I held the pen in my hand
all I could think about was how this pen could have saved Sadie's life
one tiny pen
one shot
and I would be able to call Sadie right now
to hear her voice again
to see her smile
but she didn't have pen
because she didn't know she had any allergies
or asthma for that matter
no one did

and as I sat there
i starting getting upset
I started wondering why God wouldn't let her live
He's stronger than an epi pen
He created her
He knew how to save her
and as I sat there mentally struggling and crying to God
He quietly and peacefully spoke
in that voice only God has
the one that calms the storms
He told me that His purposes and His plans are bigger than me
or Sadie
Sadie's life had a purpose
He had a plan for her and it was a good plan
He's not a mean God that wants us to go through pain
but He does want us to know Him
and love Him

as I sat there staring at this life saving device
He reminded me of the lives Sadie helped save
Her sister who drags herself to church now
She's figuring out her way to Him
She knows that Sadie had something she doesn't
and She know what it is

Sadie loves that
I know she does
because she knows that her God is big enough to draw Savanna in
and romance her until she loves Him as much as Sadie does

So as I continued to sit there and stare at this pen
I had to say thank you to God
I had to remind myself of His love
and how this is bigger than me
or Sadie
and although I dont fully understand the picture
I trust Him
because He's so so trustworthy

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. This made me cry. It reminded me of something I went through in November when my friend's one year old died. God is bigger than cancer. Why did sweet Vinnie have to die of it? But I know that He is able to work everything out.

    And when I was teaching first grade and had to carry around an Epi for one of my kids.... it freaked me out. If I'd ever had to use it, I think I would have ended up with Post-traumatic stress disorder! :)